I want to murder a lot of people.
I feel that I can safely blame it on (the rain... yeah yeah... - shout out to Milly Vanilly fans) this cold. And when I say 'cold', I mean 'the sickness wherein my body attempts to separate itself by means of coughing and hacking parts of me through my throat and sinuses; to say nothing of the headaches and fatigue that this creates'. While spending the last few days as a quarantined shut-in has been super, I felt like I needed to get some supplies today.
Mustering up every ounce of strength and sanity I had left, I promptly... got a ride with my mom to the local Safeway. Shut up; I'm sick. The actual shopping part was not so bad, as the aisles are nearly empty during the day proper. The real challenge came at checkout time.
Naturally, there were exactly 3 aisles (of 12) open. Scratch the express lane, and I had to make a choice between seemingly similar lines. I chose... poorly.
For whatever reason, the people in front of me had their 11 or so items (why they didn't go to the express lane boggles my mind slightly) spread across the entirety of the conveyor belt. Which shouldn't be a problem, except that the cashier wasn't using the belt. He was just reaching out to grab stuff. Until my realization, I was upset at the couple in front of me. Then I discovered the nature of my true enemy: Register Jockey Stretch Armstrong.
In my dazed state, I decided not to say anything for fear of it sounding like the ramblings of a mad man. Hence the blog post.
So, I hand Mr. Armstrong my reusable bags; not because I care about the environment, but because they are easier to carry on the bus and whatnot; and he goes to work. Slowly. S l o w l y . Maybe it was some combination of the symptoms, but it felt like it took him half an hour to bag 2 bags. Reaching over the belt to pick up the next random item he decides belongs in next. Two or three tries to scan it. Slowly placing it in the bag. Side note- in what universe do you put bananas in the bag at the near bottom?
Anyways, all of this is to say that I finally have some NyQuill (and DayQuil). Capital N, little y, big fuckin Q.
This was slightly longer (and more boring) than I had hoped it would be. Here's a picture of a bear to compensate:
Side note 2: Which bear is best?
Share and enjoy!
I'm not sure whether it's just that I know you so well and so when reading this was reading it in your voice, knowing exactly where emphasis should be placed, and to what pitch your voice would take, but once again I found it to be freaking hilarious. I lost it prematurely (that's what she said?) and broke out in laughter at "I want to murder a lot of people." This isn't normally that should be greeted with such vocal laughter, but, well, you know me.
ReplyDeleteSorry I can't tell that you are pretty. I’m not sure if it is the gallons of snot that are exuding from your nose or the blood from all the people you want to murder. Take two pills and come back when you are female.
ReplyDeleteI do like the different tag lines that appear above each of your new comment opportunities
ReplyDeleteAny chance of telling us* how you do it?
* Well me anyway....Sod the rest of them
P.S in case you were wondering about my previous comment the tag line was “Tell me I’m pretty”
Ok the Tag line miracle maker things has stopped working
ReplyDeleteHave I broken it?
Sorry scratch that it was like that when I found it….
that must have been an incredibly well timed set of comments... happening just as i was messing with the comment form.
ReplyDeletebut that does give me an idea for a gadget... might be a fun way to learn the blogger API
So your blog ... needs to have more ... Squishy?
ReplyDeleteNo that isn't it ... ah yes - It needs to have more posts.